If it doesn't bother Tyler it shouldn't bother me right?!?! It does though. Today the kids had the neighbor kids over and the doorbell rang. We will call him Bart. Bart rang my doorbell and asked this other boy to leave my house and go play at his house. Now I know that kids will be kids but that is hurtful to my son. Tyler said quietly,"Well, I thought that you wanted to play with me but I guess not." But it broke my heart and made my blood boil all at the same time. I know that all children are not going to like my children. I know that my children are going to have their feelings hurt but I don't like it. I am not sure what to do. I don't want to make the situation worse by talking to him about it but I don't want to minimize his hurt feelings, if he has them. Tyler has the most sweet personality. He is a mediator. He is the peacekeeper. He always thinks of others before himself. For example, when we go to the doctor's office and he gets a sticker he will ask for three, one for him, Trenner, and Ansley. He went to a Birthday party and came home with goodies. He let each kid pick 2 or 3 things that they wanted. That is his nature. I take no credit for that. (My younger son is nothing like that. He is as stingy as they come:) This Mom stuff is harder than I thought. I don't want to be that overbearing overprotective Mom that smothers her kids. I want to know what is the best way to handle situations so that at the end of the day even if my kids have their feelings hurt I can still say I handled everything the best that I knew how. Everything that I do is out of love for them so hopefully the mistakes I make will be minimal and they will all grow to be whoever they want to be. My only wish is for their happiness.
2 comments:
It's the MOM curse. Being a mom is so confusing. I've wanted to lash out at a few kids (and parents) that I've encountered because of their hurtful ways. Inside our blood boils and every part of us hurts. It usually doesn't show; thankfully.
We may not ever have the answer to every problem, but I'm pretty sure our kids pick up on our love and concern. A positive is that Tyler has a brother and sisters. I think things like this strengthen the family. When the kids get older they are going to turn to each other more and more. You've already started a strong foundation with your kids. Being with them, playing with them, observing them, loving them, loving Jeff, being there for each other...those are the things that make your children strong enough to go through these outside circumstances and come out on top.
You are an amazing woman and mom! I have a feeling that our moms didn't always have the answer. I'm pretty sure there were times when my mom wanted to step in and fix things, take away an emotional hurt, but didn't because she wasn't sure if I needed or wanted her to. Then there were times when she stepped in and I didn't appreciate it. Looking back, I'll always feel like she did it perfectly.
Oh that would so bring out my inner mama bear too! I'm sure there are lots of right answers here, but this would be my advice....
1. I would for sure talk to Tyler. He sounds so sweet, I would for sure want to validate his feelings for him. I think it is always best to keep the lines of communication open with our kids so they know they can come to us with ANYTHING.
2. I would host something fun at my house that Tyler is really comfortable with. Like a back yard jam session, or make your own pizza or whatever. I would totally invite the "mean" kids too. I would just be present and watch the interaction and try to keep things on the up and up. Why would I do it??? Because you never know what that kids home life is like. Maybe his parents are not so fun and nice. Show him what it is like to hang out with a nice, fun family and see if it makes rise to the occasion.
3. If he is still not nice, I would speak to him myself about some ground rules. Like..."If you don't want to include Tyler in your plans please don't come to our house to get other kids. It is hurtful to Tyler."
Hmmm...that was a lot, huh? Well just some thoughts. Let me know how it goes.
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